I want to make a zoo with you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
