Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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