the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
