Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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