2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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