My friends, they love my intelligence
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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