I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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