He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think people are normalizing furries
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
