I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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