someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
