Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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