i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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