After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
