i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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