Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize