I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
