You made me cry and you don't even care
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
