Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
