is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he thought i was a dude.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
