Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
