dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
