So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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