So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
