We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
