I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
