tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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