I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
