Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
