I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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