make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
