do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
