saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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