my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize