all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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