What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Welp...herpes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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