Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
