I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize