Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
