At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
