And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
