There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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