Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
