Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
