I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
