Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
