Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
