just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
