Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
