I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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