my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
