You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize