Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
