You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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