i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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