I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
