I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so let's talk penis.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
