look no pants
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Nicole vs. Life
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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