On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
