Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize