You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
