All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just found puke in my bra..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize