The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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