wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
