why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
