after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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