I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
