I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
