STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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