Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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