I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
