you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
