Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
