pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
