thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
