how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
