OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
